There's a pity party going on at 1609 Willis Drive. Number of guests - ONE.
Ok, so tonight I find myself feeling a little sad. I rocked Cooper to sleep last night, something I find myself doing from time to time lately. But last night, I started thinking about how much Cooper is learning - and essentially growing away from needing his Mommy. He's talking more, he's already showing signs that he might be ready to start potty training, and just turning into a little boy. And while I'm so happy and proud of my little guy for gaining more and more independence, I can't help but feel a little depressed too. :( His second birthday is right around the corner - the 30th to be exact - and very soon I'll be the mother of one preschooler and one toddler. *sigh* At least in the moments that he allows me to rock him, I can still feel that bond that we have. He is such a little Mommy's Boy that it just fills my heart with joy.
Don't get me wrong, I know these are all feelings that ALL mothers go through, but sometimes I feel like I was forced (that's really not the right word) into not having any more kids. Deep down, I know Al and I made the right choice in not having any more - not only is two enough for us financially but I would go insane if I had to do one more load of laundry a week! Ha ha! I just hate that physically I can't have any more babies. I get sad at the thought that I'll never hear another heart beat, or have another u/s, or feel a baby move around and kick my stomach. Trust me, I had a very long and lengthy discussion about this with my OB Dr. Browning. Simply put - while my heart longs for baby after baby, my body loathes the thought of being pregnant. I just wish it had been more of "my" decision....sometimes I feel like it really wasn't.
Anyways, I know my babies can't stay little babies forever. And I know that to me, they will always be my Baby Girl and Little Man. And while I wish they COULD stay small forever and even though I LOVE the ages they are now, I do look forward to all the things they'll do as they get older. I look forward to sleep overs, baseball practice, parent/teacher conferences - the whole nine yards. I guess my title is wrong.....I'm not moving towards an end, so to speak, but just another chapter in the book of the Griggs Family Adventures. :)
Sometimes I physically hurt because I love my kids so much.
1 comment:
Girl, I totally feel ya ... in fact, reading your blog made my tear up. :) HUGS to you from me. Oh the joys & the pains of motherhood. When they're teens, you'll read this & laugh. LOL -jw
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