Hard Headed but not Hard Hearted

You would think that after seven years and two kids - I might have a CLUE as to how this "parenting" job works. But I don't. Just when I think I'm doing an absolutely FANTASTIC job, I go and blow it.

This morning was chaotic - we had soccer pictures for both kids and then games for each one. We were at the soccer field for FOUR hours folks. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.....oh, and two of those hours were spent in the rain. Because in soccer, they keep playing in the rain. Who knew? Not me!

So, we survive the rainy, soccer morning. Head to lunch (which with both kids is major T-R-O-U-B-L-E) and actually have a nice time. As soon as we get home though - the whining starts, the begging to ride the golf cart, wanting to ride bikes, can my friend down the road come over, etc hit like a tornado. And that's when I blow it - blow my lid and blow it as a good parent. I yelled at the kids and told them if I heard another word about the golf cart they were going to get it. It made Cooper cry. In two seconds my mood went from annoyed to guilty. I broke his little heart. And that absolutely breaks mine. Olivia does a great job at ignoring me when I lose my patience - I think it's because she and I have similar personalities. Cooper, he's my love bug, my sensitive one and he can't shrug my fussing off like Sissy.

He forgave me - of course he would. Cooper loves me and thinks I'm the best ever. Even after I yell and make him cry. I don't deserve that kind of love, but I'm thankful he has it in his heart to give it to me. I still feel guilty - even after I apologized and told him Mommy shouldn't yell because she's annoyed and I understand he's just a little boy and he's excited to ride on the new golf cart. My heart still hurts for what I did to my boy - especially since I know Al and I are grooming these kids into the adults they will become. One day I'm going to get this MOMMY job right - it's a hard job that's for sure.